It becomes a habit never to sleep, especially at night. But pictures of morning are memory-pictures for all the future sinking in my own amnesia. I like summer fake smell of oranges and coffee. Honestly, I don’t have anything of this smells.
As I remember myself I’m always creating melodies. Most of them are forgotten now. Well, I’m thinking about my songs. Most of them you know are written some long time ago. Long for me. While recording I sinking again and again. Simple phareses and guitar chords are like huge waves bringing me to the parallel which was already lost, as I thought. Hope you will feel the same – you must taste this solty water with me . Then comes stupor, like when you are reading old diary with torned pages. And then you cry because you can feel it again and again. So pure and full.
This time I’m working at my new «ghost stories». Well, here’s a cycle of shot movies. So, today I was spending my time in some bohemian party. The reason to go there was to make the video, to show some my reality from the inside. The original idea of this cycle was about so-called «toilette angels». Then I added a little bit green glass. I got my ghost walls which are catching, locking and giving everything. Yes, I like this kind of loneliness when I’m talking only with dead friends and my camera. Yes, I like that camera listens to me and fixes my own alternative universe.
Now till morning I will be cutting the video. Great night work.
Yesterday was practice with my new drummer. For sure we can rock. Long time passed since I have had some emotions like this. I cannot wait for the first performance! That will be pure heavy metal. But still so many problems.
As you get what you want you don’t want it anymore. Somebody. Anybody.
And yes. I’m ill again. Of course when its such a pretty rain, I’m laying in a bed with temperature and throatache. And there is nobody to give me some fucking tea. Then, I smoke and eat. I’m ill very often. It seems to be slowly death which I enjoy and don’t wanna let go. From my point of view thats ok, even bearable. I just miss one ghost. She was bringing me a tea and menthol cigarettes.
Bring me tea now. Please.
- Discribe him to me, please. What he was like? Why you loved him? You know everything about him. Tell me something private. What only you knew, – detective was standing near old dirty mirror examinating things on pier-glass.
- Private… I loved his smell. Its like dry powder. Like old powder. French one. At the same time giving something so whether sweet orjust very pleasant. And all his things. They all were so wonderful. Sweet-pleasant. Little bit sleepy.
I started remembering him. But failed even in this. Smell was everything what was left after. No, I couldn’t remember. When detective went away I felt indifferent. I should search my little brother. Later in the evening they came. Mr.-in-a-hat and ginger.
I was thinking where to get severed head. Then, I came to conclusion that snails are the highest form of life. The have both male and female beginnings. They full-filled with harmony. And absolutely indifferent.
Great painter: Matthew Woodsen
You touch death slowly, tender with your tung. I hate kisses. You lick death while using cheap dopes and meds from 24-hours pharmacy. 1 dollar per 5 hours of indiference. No pain, hunger, fear. No hunger. No hunger. You see not_your_eyes when look in the cup with coffee in the midnight. Ghost penetrates in you when you’re lying on the bed. Suck my fingers. Tentacles feel you through inside when you don’t sleep in the darness. And how its beautiful when you smoke cigarette. I’m fucking with death.
I wear sunglasses. Bite nails in panic. And vomite thoughts. Doesn’t it inspire you?
There is one beautiful place in Moscow. You can go there any time all year round. Then life seems to be so bright and sunny!
***
Bullshit. Now I’m just worring about one thing. Why I ate so much potates fri sitting in T’shirt «super model». That was really funny.
I was just sitting in the lake coast. The day seemed to be perfect. The sandy playground was practically free from noisy children. I was looking in the water asking what I wanted to know. Rest and peace. Green green grass and careless sun. Mmm. ^^
Suddenly! ~ the RAIN started. I had to run through the forest not to get wet and cold. Oh, my beautiful voice can be damaged. T___T
Now I have thoahtache. Headache. Temperature. Sick-sick-sick.
When will I go to this lake again?
